Entry 5: in which things look brighter, not

Totally cocked-up the light show. Just as I was saying “Let there …” the whole universe lights up like some kind of decorated festive tree, leaving me looking like a total arse. Even more embarrassing is that the boy pretended to be impressed.

Entry 4: in which One reflects on the significance of existence

Bit of a gloom that I can’t shake off. Hung around for a bit to see if any interesting chemistry was about to happen. Fat chance. But that’s not the problem. It’s this feeling I sometimes get after a big bang. Hard to describe really, but it’s along the lines of “and now?”. Well of course at one level the answer to “and now” is wait for the collapse of said universe past the point of singularity and wait for the next big bang. No, I’m talking about the significance or otherwise of existence. Is this all there is to it? Or am I missing something? Of course it’s hugely exciting to be around at the birth of the universe, but at the end of the day it is just another universe. And there’ll be another and another and it’s at that point, which is to say this point right now, that you find yourself wondering whether there’s more to this universe business or not?

Tried to have a sensible conversation about it with Mrs God, but honestly! I swear she’s a philosophy-free zone. Frustrating or what? Every time I launch off with a is that it or how do I know there aren’t other universes or even how do I know I’m not looking after this teeny-weeny little universe in a bloody great sea of universes and that deities are actually as common as muck I get a string of soothing platitudes, most of which can be neatly encapsulated by a vague and distracted “Yes dear” or “I’m sure it is / isn’t so dear” (delete one).

Oh and speaking of the end of the day it’s about time for photons to, er, happen. Kicks in after 10,000 years, give or take. There’s this thing I do, it’s really fun, especially when the boy’s around. What you do is you stand on the edge of the space time continuum, and you click your fingers and you say “Let there be light” or something equally momentous, just as the photons happen. It’s really dead impressive.

Entry 3: in which the new universe appears lumpy

Just about done now. Universe is turning out a bit lumpy which is a shame. That means background radiation, echoes of the big bang, dark matter, anti-matter, the lot. So what you might say. Truth is, it’s just untidy. Yes, I know, there’ll be another one along in a while, but still, billions of years to wait. Dull or what?

Time seems so relative somehow. I mean, a millisecond can drag on for ever (not literally, that would be hideous) and eons can just flash by. But if you get a disappointing universe then you can forget the "flash by" bit. Substitute instead "drag on for ever". Sometimes wonder why I bother.

Entry 2: in which One reflects on a big number

Entire milliseconds have elapsed already. I never get tired of these big bangs. No two alike. Just in the course of idle conversation with Mrs God I in wondered aloud how many I’d seen. She suggested "infinity".

Well apart from the objectionable grammar (“infinitely many” is the construction that I suspect she was groping towards) the thinking’s so sloppy. I mean, what’s she implying? That I can’t count to big numbers? I’m a deity for Pete’s sake. Counting doesn’t come into it. “Infinity” is just a lazy way of saying “a lot”. And I can tell you that I’ve seen ... well ever so many of these. So that’s that.

Entry 1: in which there is a big bang

It has started well! A new universe. Can't beat it. Almost three microseconds old now; just post-inflation and things are ticking along very nicely. Basic laws of physics getting established, with gravity sprinting ahead as per usual. As far as I can tell, it looks like it's going to obey an inverse squares law. My personal favourite. Lot’s of implications … all kinds of things really. Hang on, just thought of one: the planets will move in elliptical orbits. Nice. And lots more besides.

While reflecting on the above an amusing quip occurred to me: “Gravity is not just a good idea – it’s the law”. Tried it out on Mrs God who seemed unimpressed. Tried to explain why it’s funny but no luck. In an attempt to lighten the slightly strained atmosphere I suggested that when I handed out a sense of humour she must have been at the back of the queue. Astonished and perplexed that she failed to find this funny too.

This is how it started

I opened the postbox and found, along with the usual couple of bills and lots of bumph, a memory stick. Not in a wrapper or in a padded envelope. Just the stick. A Transcend 2 gigabyte memory stick. Looked new.

A moment's elation! Cool, a second ago I did not own this memory stick, and now I do. But then doubt sets in. What jerk has left this here. Does he (almost certainly a he) think I'm dumb enough to plug this into my computer and have it trashed by a horde of enthusiastic wormy things? To which the answer is, well yes, given a couple of hours of vacillation.

So I plug it into the USB port and have a peek. Hmmm. Just two files. One is called readme.txt (well that's original) and the other is called TheDiaries.doc ... could be a Word file. So I double click readme.txt and it opens cleanly enough into Notepad. And this is what it says:

Dear Entity,

I entrust to you a little diary I have kept over quite a long period of time. I have slightly surprised myself by wishing to see it published in some form; perhaps everyone who keeps a journal entertains such thoughts, however fleetingly. But why am I justifying Myself to you?

About Me. I know you will find this difficult to grasp, but I am, how shall I put it, well Supreme basically. Ah, what's the point of equivocation: I Am, and there it is. I always have qualms about immodesty at this point; don't know why. Just makes Me squirm a bit. Ridiculous. However, I digress (so what else is new as Mrs God would say, bless her).

Now I know what you're thinking. No, trust me, I do. You're thinking Hitler diaries, fake ink, cleverly "aged" paper, Stern and the Sunday Times with egg on their faces,and so on. And in particular you're thinking that it is highly unlikely that these Diaries, even if authentic, would be presented on a memory stick. But consider. Would I be doing you any favours by presenting you with a stack of clay tablets, a mile high, scribed in ancient Aramaic? I think not - though it would have a certain cache I must admit. (Memo to self - if this idiot fails to do right thing find new mule and consider clay tabs as alternative).

Enough said. The Diaries are in a file called TheDiaries.doc. I hope you find them interesting and enlightening.

I remain,
etc.

That is how the file actually ended. With "etc." The modesty problem again I suppose.

I was really quite curious by now, so I opened the Word file and found it organised, as had been suggested, as a number of diary entries. I could not decipher the date fields at all - each seemed to comprise 64 hexadecimal digits in a random sequence. So I have simply taken the episodes in the order as found and called them Entry 1, Entry 2 and so on.

I propose to publish them on the Blog - not all at once, since I feel this rather defeats the purpose of a diary - but from time to time, much like a blogger (or even Supreme Blogger) might do.

I will publish them without further ado and without editing, though I may allow myself the odd editorial comment. Just give me time to have a little pre-read; I'll put out Entry 1 soon. See what you think.