Entry 4: in which One reflects on the significance of existence

Bit of a gloom that I can’t shake off. Hung around for a bit to see if any interesting chemistry was about to happen. Fat chance. But that’s not the problem. It’s this feeling I sometimes get after a big bang. Hard to describe really, but it’s along the lines of “and now?”. Well of course at one level the answer to “and now” is wait for the collapse of said universe past the point of singularity and wait for the next big bang. No, I’m talking about the significance or otherwise of existence. Is this all there is to it? Or am I missing something? Of course it’s hugely exciting to be around at the birth of the universe, but at the end of the day it is just another universe. And there’ll be another and another and it’s at that point, which is to say this point right now, that you find yourself wondering whether there’s more to this universe business or not?

Tried to have a sensible conversation about it with Mrs God, but honestly! I swear she’s a philosophy-free zone. Frustrating or what? Every time I launch off with a is that it or how do I know there aren’t other universes or even how do I know I’m not looking after this teeny-weeny little universe in a bloody great sea of universes and that deities are actually as common as muck I get a string of soothing platitudes, most of which can be neatly encapsulated by a vague and distracted “Yes dear” or “I’m sure it is / isn’t so dear” (delete one).

Oh and speaking of the end of the day it’s about time for photons to, er, happen. Kicks in after 10,000 years, give or take. There’s this thing I do, it’s really fun, especially when the boy’s around. What you do is you stand on the edge of the space time continuum, and you click your fingers and you say “Let there be light” or something equally momentous, just as the photons happen. It’s really dead impressive.