Entry 9: in which stakeholders are introduced

Mrs G tells me that there is to be a stakeholders meeting. Why am I always the last to find out about these things? Fortunately there are not too many stakeholders, though of course when you’re dealing with pan-dimensional entities number becomes a rather slippery concept.

I suppose I should introduce them, my cast of characters as it were. Well, there’s the boy, of course, though he shows even less interest than I do, various archangels including Kemuel, Nathanael, Gabriel, and Lucifer (more of him later), and the thing I call the Ghost because I’m absolutely buggered if I know what it is or what it does. Then you've got your minor players, cherubs and so on. And Mrs God of course, bless her.

In theory, but not, in my opinion, in practice, the stakeholders are all on the same side, which is to say the side of running the whole show smoothly, but if there aren’t factions then I’m a monkey’s uncle. Lucifer’s a complete arse – far too clever and smooth for my liking. Always showers Mrs G with complements, what a lovely blouse, that sort of thing. She simpers away, laps it all up completely uncritically.

She has no blouse, so how can it be lovely? She says that’s not the point and I could learn a thing or two about manners from him. Fat chance.