Sunday, 7 December 2008

Entry 58: in which temptation fails to deliver

Despite having hatched a plan so cunning that foxes are still trying to understand it the outcome has been a little short of outright success. In fact, you could say that it failed. But only if you were uncharitable. Well, uncharitable and gifted with a pernicious level of honesty. But enough.

This is what Lucy reported.

It all started rather strangely. Turns out that by the time Lucy was on the scene, the lad and Ghost were already in the sticks ready to topple off high places. Now I had quite forgotten to prime the Ghost on this part of the wheeze, but some ethereal whatsit called Azazel presented his credentials to the Ghost and led the lad out into the wilderness anyway. The Ghost knows him it seems, and the name does sound vaguely familiar. Turns out he's a kind of Metatron in reverse - once used to be in the Realm, but headed for Earth long since where he has stayed. He's a shape shifter, and mostly seems to like to go around as a goat.

Personally I don't like the sound of this. Superstitious types are going to have the lot of us trotting around on cloven hooves, sprouting horns etc. Not good for the image, but Lucy pooh-poohed this as very unlikely, so allowed myself to be reassured.

Anyway, this Azazel was off being a goat elsewhere when Lucy arrived so he wasted no time and engaged the lad in a spot of temptation, standard stuff, turn rocks into bread, jump off a cliff for the fun of it, that sort of thing. The lad was in a right gloom though and was having none of it (I could have told Lucy, rocks into milk and cookies and he would have had a chance, but never mind).

Indeed, it was all a bit poignant apparently.

"Really?" I enquire. "Do tell Lucy. What transpired?"

"Well, it was quite distressing really. I'm only halfway through my temptation routine, done the loaves, done the jewels, but haven't got onto wine, women and song yet when he pipes up 'Look Lucy, stop arsing around. Why not get behind me for once? I could do with the backup.' Just like that".

"Get behind him eh? Gosh, he does sound a bit down ... What next?"

"Honestly Chief, I think we've shot our wad. Given the life expectancy on that planet, he'll be back in time for tea. Just sit this one out. That's what I would do."

Which is pretty well what I've said all along.

Not that anyone will remember.


Miranda said...

Hahahahaha. Just fabulous!

Jolly Good Yarn Girl said...

Get thee to a nunnery!

Ernest de Cugnac said...

miranda - ta v much, but beware, see below.

errr ... jollygood, I hope you mean miranda and not me? On the other hand, all those dirty habits ...

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

LMAO! Wicked!

Ernest de Cugnac said...

av - wicked? But of course. (Hope you're feeling better).

Sylvia said...

Just read the whole lot from the beginning. Am cream crackered (look at the time, dammit) and I can't laugh any more BECAUSE MY FACE HURTS. And I will wake the entire household.

And now I join the ranks of expectant readers . . . can't wait to find out how it all ends.

Ernest de Cugnac said...

sylvia, my goodness, thank you very much for your most generous comment. I'm stuck at the moment, partly block, mostly building works, but the ideas continue to germinate. Look forward to seeing you here again.