Entry 25: in which Lucifer is obsessed by fornication

Twiddling my thumbs when Lucy hoves into view. As always it is perfectly apparent that, despite a contrived casualness, he has something on his mind.

After a bit of round the houses he gets down to it.

"Look", he says, "I'm not altogether happy about what's happening on Earth".

Did my best not to explode and more or less succeeded. Earth this, Earth that, Earth the other. For Pete's sake, enough is enough. That swine Metatron has a lot to answer for.

"Lucy ..." I begin, but for once he cuts across me.

"No, no, I think you need to hear this. I'm not sure how to put say it, but, well, the fact is that some of them have been fornicating".

I simply stared.

"You know, doing it". Pause. "With each other".

"Lucy", I say, "which part of self replication don't you understand?"

Now it's his turn to stare.

"That's what they do" I continue. "They make copies of each other. And they do it by swapping genetic material. Generally by inserting bits of themselves into one another. Now you can call it fornication if you like, and clearly you do, but they've being doing 'it', as you so quaintly put it, since the first molecules starting dividing in the primordial soup."

"Don't you think they should, well you know, be punished?"

"Good grief - for what? It's completely self evident that the only things left on the planet are there because they self-replicate. Anything that didn't, isn't".

I felt like adding "Duh" but thought that would be a bit mean. Where oh where is this self-righteous twaddle coming from? As though I didn't know. On cue:

"Well Enoch says ..."

"Look Lucy, thanks and all that, but the fact is I've got these, er, universe type things I've got to get on with. Lot's of quantum irregularities, that sort of thing. But another time? Great!"

And I disappear faster than an imploding singularity.