Mrs God, as everyone knows, can be sweetness and light. If there were lambs in the realm they would gambol at her feet, and quite possibly lick them too.
However, Mrs G is, once more, vexed, no prizes for guessing what about.
Thus, in the manner of one who is not lacking in intelligence, I have been giving her the space she needs at a trying time like this.
Imagine, then, the stinging indignation one felt, when tracked down and accused of (and I quote) "evasion".
"Now look here Mrs G" I began, in a tone of utter reasonableness.
"No, you look here!"
Cut across me. Just like that. Momentarily robbing me of the power of speech. In which no doubt welcome vacuum she continues "This has gone on quite long enough. Go and get the boy! Bring the little sod back and I mean now".
Well I launch into a reasoned description of the virtue of travel, the broadening of horizons, that sort of thing, only to be interrupted yet again.
"Excuse me" she says in a tone one would describe as being on the frosty side of frigid, "which part of my last sentence have you not understood? Where would elaboration be most useful? Perhaps you would like to attempt a paraphrase and reflect it back to me? Perhaps ..."
"Now now dear, let's be reasonable about this." My pleading tone. "The boy is embedded you know, there are natural laws here that don't want to be violated, it's not just a matter of ..."
"Hmmm". Not a good sign, when Mrs G Hmmms. Generally a prelude to biting sarcasm. As now. "Let's get this right, shall we? You are a deity, I think? Yes? Have I got that bit right? Oh good. You are in charge of this ludicrous universe. Yes? You are omnipotent. Hmmmm? That means you can do what you like rather than just bleating about natural laws. Or is there some subtlety I haven't quite grasped? So may I suggest ..."
Fortunately her words were becoming fainter and fainter, something that I can only attribute to the distance that I was busy putting between us.
"Quite so dear" I say over my shoulder, "Look, let me have a word with Lucy. He's good with this kind of unorthodox stuff. Be right back".
Well perhaps this last was a tiny exaggeration. But the idea about getting Lucy involved is a good one.
If I say so myself.
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2 comments:
Getting Lucy involved eh, I swear it will come to no good. He drives a harder bargain than your average Wall Street trader - or so I've heard - positively makes them look like silky kittens.
And I just hope G knows what he's dealing with when it comes to irate mothers and wives. I hope the distance he creates is sufficient.
Brilliant as always, Ernest!
av - I suspect that God is but putty in Mrs G's hands. And thank you.
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